Tanner McFarland has earned a BS in Biomedical Engineering and a Masters Degree in Business Administration. Since graduating, Tanner has learned that true happiness, success and fulfillment doesn't come from degrees but from relationships.
We uncover the drive behind Tanner's ultra-running and random acts of kindness, discuss the benefits of community and how to uncover your 'Why.' Tanner emphasizes the importance of building your identity around something longer lasting than what you do and shares the impact service has had on his life.
Tanner is publishing his first book, College Made Easy, in the Spring of 2021 and has started the 4% Club - a networking and coaching experience to support people with goals and accountability.
Connect with Tanner via the links below and tune into this episode now!
Welcome to the action hour. My name is Jesse Simpson and I believe there's never been a better time in the history of the world to be alive. I'm on a mission to bring you the insights, ideas and inspiration. You need to uncover your greatness and take action on your dreams. If you want to start a business, write a book, take a big trip, or level up to a higher state of living in the world. mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially. The stories found in the show will provide the action steps and energy you need to succeed. No matter what you are going through or where you've been. You can at any time, break that cycle and transform your life. This show is going to show you how to do it. If you've got the itch to act, now is the time. Allow the inspiring stories within this show to serve as your guide. This is the action hour, buckle up and enjoy the ride. Welcome back to the action hour. Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse Simpson here I've got a great episode lined up with a man named Tanner McFarland. Tanner is an adventure seeker, ultra runner, and author. And we connected over social media and I just really appreciate Tanner's humility, his perspective, and his authentic approach to building relationships on social media. On this episode, we talk all about the importance of having a community, how to uncover your why, and how to identify with something that's longer lasting than anything that you do. Tannerr's got a lot of wisdom to share in a bright bright future ahead. So hope you learn from him on this episode. So let's get right into it. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Tanner McFarland. Alright, Tanner, welcome to the action hour. Thank you so much for coming on. I am just really inspired by how you're showing up on social media, your message of the perspective you have on the things you've went through. And what really stood out to me was this weekend, you were running four miles every four hours for 48 hours. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. That's a challenge that a man named David Goggins started. And just like you said, Jesse, it's four miles every four hours for 48 hours straight. So in my case, I ran, starting at 7pm, on Friday, ran four miles, then again at 11pm, then 3am, all the way until Sunday at 3pm was the final race. And just to just to back up briefly, I just want to really say thank you for allowing me on the podcast. I really appreciate it. I'm really looking forward to the conversation we're gonna have today. I really think we're gonna dig deep on some some important topics and provide some value to the listeners. Absolutely Tanner. I appreciate that. And I appreciate you coming on. I want to go back a little bit now right back to that run, you know, I was seeing you, you showing up on Instagram on your stories. And you were always out there, you always had a smile on your face, like what motivated you to go run 40 miles. So the, I kind of, I put her on my on my vision board for for this year, I had seen some people do it last year, David Goggins the guy who started it and does it every year. And so I didn't know that he did it any specific weekend. So at the beginning of the year, I just threw it up on my goals on my vision board for this year and said, you know, I'll do that at some point. And then about a month ago, he posted and said, Hey, guys, I'm doing it, you know, first weekend in March. And so I was like, okay, you know, I should start preparing for that. And then some, some other people I know, on Instagram, a couple people who have met and other people who I haven't just who I know, through Instagram, got in touch with me, and they're like, Hey, we're coming up with a, you know, a small group of guys who we're all going to run virtually together. Do you want to join, we can all kind of keep each other accountable, make sure we're all up for the, for the night runs and everything. So going into it? What motivated me to do it was, and I talked with my team about this while while we were running, mostly at the beginning at the end, but what really motivated me to do it was I've been trying to do hard things, more frequently, things that maybe at one point in my life I didn't believe I could do. And how this pertains to running is you know, back in high school, 8, 9, 10 years ago, I was running a ran track, I played soccer, I did all small distances, the 200 to 400 meter. And I never considered myself you know, a quote runner. You know, I just I ran, you know, one lap around the track. It was nothing huge, but I found that that was a really limiting mindset. And I think that can be applied to a lot of other areas of my life as well. But for running, I'd never really considered myself a runner, and I finally realized how much that was limiting me. And so when I finally Decided to say, Hey, I can be a runner. I ran my first marathon last year, just around my house, had my girlfriend come out and support me with, you know, food, drinks and everything like that. And I just went, and I did it. And so when I heard about this challenge, I was like, Man, that sounds really hard, like, a little bit of sleep deprivation, you know, 48 miles over the course of a weekend, that sounds really difficult. And immediately I was like, like, a runner would do that. If you're a runner, you could probably do that. And I had remembered that I had always told myself, man, you're not a runner, you probably can't do anything like that. But after completing my first marathon, I said, hey, maybe I am a runner, maybe maybe I could do that. And so I kind of started, you know, thinking about it. And then when 2021 came, a new year came, you know, I started thinking about my goals, what I wanted to accomplish this year, I kind of just went big and was like, I'm just gonna put that on my list. And I don't know what I'm going to do it yet. But I'm going to put it on my lesson, I'm going to do it at some point. And you got it done. It's interesting, you talked about your doubting yourself, and you were kind of these limiting beliefs were coming up for you, but you recognize that and instead of like, letting them run your life, you decided to run through them, you know, like, literally in this case, but like, show up and prove your doubts were wrong. What led to your mindsets, or the sense of self awareness that would lead to the drive to prove your doubts wrong like that? Yeah, so it's a new thing, for sure. It's something that I'm still learning to do. And it's, it's really satisfying when you catch yourself doing it, when you catch yourself, labeling yourself as something like, I'm not a runner, or I'm not good at math, or you know, whatever the case may be. And when you start to catch yourself doing that, it's it's really transformational, you'll go, why am I saying that to myself. And so for me, personally, really one of the big tipping points for me, where I really started to catch myself doing things like that, I went on a hiking trip last year, with a some strangers, basically, some people I didn't know, if you follow me on Instagram, I posted about it when it happened. It's called the basic course. And it's through the three of seven project with some amazing guys. But basically, what it was, is you show up this weekend in North Carolina, they just tell you where to show up, and you're told to show up ready to go, whatever that means. And so I showed up, I met three instructors, and seven other people who I'd never met before, and you go hiking all weekend, and you you know, are given a pack and food and all this stuff. And it was really difficult. One of the more difficult things I've ever done, you don't know where you're going, you don't know, the altitude change, you don't know, you know, river crossings, I slept under a tarp. And I had never done that before in my life. And so it was really difficult for me to get through that weekend. And so after that, I really started to have this, this kind of, like sense of like, I could do that. And one thing I didn't mention, it rained all weekend. And so it was just kind of an added thing on top, you know, hiking, it's sunny, it's okay. But like with the rain, you know, it was really difficult people I didn't know. So anyways, after that experience had really started. And I was like last August. And so it's been, you know, 667 months since then or so I really started to think at the beginning of it, I told myself, this is going to be really hard. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. But with the support of my teammates, the instructors, you know, we all pulled through, and it was really great. And I was able to give support to other people as well. But through that experience, afterwards, when I was done, I really started to think about other areas of my life where I was like, man, like what, what else am I telling myself that I can't do that I actually can do. And so running my first marathon was a direct result of going on that trip and kind of finding myself, telling myself the limiting beliefs that I had. That experience where you were tested your challenge with strangers that really brought it as a way of bringing out these things you didn't know about yourself, you know, that sense of self awareness was brought out to you. And you've taken on the challenge and it sounds like you're staying in touch with those people. You speak to the power of this community and holding each other accountable to make sure you're going after your goals. I'd be curious to know, you know, if you would share a bit more about like what else you're doing. I mean, you're doing all these different runs under your setup for an ultra marathon 50 mile race in June, but you got a book coming out. You work full time. Like who is Tanner, like, let the audience know like who you are and what you do. Yeah, so I'm My name is Tanner McFarland. I'm from Southern Maine. I'm 25 years old, and yeah, Jesse. Like you said I'm signed up for an ultramarathon. I don't know if four by four by 48 is an ultramarathon, but I'm going to count it as one because it was pretty hard. But yeah, I have a book coming out College made easy. It's the first book I've written, it's about my college experience, and how students can use it today, to better their own experience. There are a lot of things I learned throughout college, that I think students would be better off knowing before they go. And we can talk a little bit more deeply about the book later on. But there's a lot of a lot of things in there that I think students would be well served. If they if they looked into a little bit. I work for a technology company. I'm a project administrator, right now, I do work full time doing that. But beyond that, recently, I've started, I started coaching people under something I call the 4% Club, which is kind of using the principle of one hour being 4% of your day. And so I work with people to utilize just one hour a day to work on their goals, things they want to accomplish. And that's been really great. So far, I've been doing that for a few months. That's really who I am. I'm just trying to share my perspective with people like you, Jesse, get my message out to people in my perspective into into the hands or ears of people who who could use it, who could, who would I could serve. And you are doing a lot of different things. And I do appreciate your perspective, I'd be curious to know, where all these things came from, like, you can tell you're really driven you sounds like you just, did you recently get out of grad school? Yep, about a year ago. About a year ago and so ever since then, you've been you went to the 307 project back in August, and you've just been writing the book, you've been doing all these different things like what's driving you? So I think this is a really interesting question. And for me, it's a question about my, what I like to call my why. It's something that I like to ask a lot of people like why they do what they do. And for me personally, the way I like to talk about it with people is my why, at the at the base level goes back to my family, I'm real big on family, you know, they they've given me so much and provided me with so much that, you know, I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them. But, you know, that's something that I'm trying to do. And so whether it's you know, the 4% Club, coaching people, you know, building my network, the book, it's all about helping, helping other people, and ultimately helping my family. And I'm not talking just just monetarily, that's, you know, not even a big part, it's just, I want to provide them with a meaningful life, I want them to be proud of me, I want to be proud of them. I want to have a life, not necessarily filled with stuff, but filled with experiences. And so just, you know, like, we just talked about the run this weekend, for example. It didn't cost me any money to sign up, I ran around my house, I had all the equipment, I bought a little bit of food, but my parents really supported me on it, they followed me in their cars, during the night runs. You know, they're always here, you know, with food and drink ready to go for me. So, an experience like that, having an experience like that with them. That's, that's priceless. And so that's not the sole reason why I did that run, but one of the reasons was to gain that experience with them. And so, thing, things like that, you know, I could go on things like that have happened with my book, you know, where my parents, my girlfriend, my siblings have really helped me with that. And it's an experience, it's something we can remember. And so my my why why I'm so driven, doing all these different things, is really for for different experiences. And I like to connect that back to having experiences with my family. What would you say to the people who who are searching for their why they maybe don't have such a clear cut family in front of them that they can, you know, they can lean on they can count on where did how does someone go about finding their Why? Yeah, that's a really good question. And I think, I think obviously, it will be very different for different people based on you know, where they come from, what situation they find themselves in. I think finding your WHY is really, it's important for sure. I found that it's kind of what leads people in whatever direction they go, it really gives people purpose and meaning. But as far as finding your why, I would say really go to like a quiet place with no distractions where you can think and think about what what gives you life on on a daily basis. You know, when you get up in the morning or when you go to bed at night. What are you thinking about? You know, what, what gives you the most joy? What are areas of your life where time seems to stand still, because you're just living in the moment, you're just having so much fun enjoying what you're doing. We're kind of on that same note, what are areas of your life where you're just living so fully? That you're, you know what, whatever you're doing, like, like, I'll relate it back to family, because that's it for me, when I'm with my family, and we're doing something, I feel, I feel alive, I feel incredible when I'm with them and doing stuff with them. And so I think that's probably what I would suggest to people is find those areas of your life or find things or people that give you that kind of feeling. And then kind of dig into those topics to find your why. And that's very well said Tanner. Now, I'd like to take this a little bit further, I know one of the things you want to talk about is relationships. And I saw that as we were coming on the show that you talked about true happiness, success and fulfillment doesn't come from degrees. You put in all this work to get your, your college education graduated last year, but you realize that there's something more important here, you know, it's your family, it's relationships, what led to this realization, when you were striving at school that led to this realization that it's relationships that you care about the most? Yeah, definitely. So I'm not, I don't, I don't say this in a way to to boast or to brag. I did very well, in engineering school, I have an engineering degree. And I went on to do very well, in a Master's of business Business Administration program. I did very, very well in both of those programs. However, now, a little over a year later, after graduating, both of those programs, what, what I get meaning out of, and what gives me life on a daily basis, is not my nine to five job. And for some people that may be different, and that's totally okay. There's nothing wrong with that. But for me, personally, where I get life, and where I get happiness and meaning is the relationships I have with people, the relationships I've built with people, I'm finding that going on and talking with people like you, Jesse, I enjoy this, like an incredible amount. The people who I met on the basic course, those seven strangers and the three instructors, I have fantastic relationships with them, now, I supremely enjoy talking with them. And I've met some other people through Instagram and social media, you know, created relationships with them, I wrote down some things about relationships that were important to me, and why I find them meaningful. Three of them are accountability, opportunities, and support. And those are three things that go both ways. And I found that through these relationships, that's, that's some of the like, Tony Robbins says, lower juice, that's where I get like a lot of the juice from the accountability opportunities and support. And so accountability, like we were talking about, with the run earlier, my team, we had, we had an accountability call before each of the runs to make sure we were there, we were ready to go, you know, even at, you know, 2:45 in the morning, we'd get on a call with each other. So that's accountability. And it goes both ways. And then opportunities, through relationships, you know, I'll kind of relate it back to, you know, my full time job, there's, there's opportunity to move up, you know, move up the chain, move up the corporate ladder. And that's what some people like to do. And again, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it's just not where where I get the juice from. And so I've found more opportunities, through relationship building to do things that I enjoy to be a part of that team on that run. I've worked with some people who were on the basic course with me on different opportunities. One of them has started a crutch business, making crutches. That's been really interesting. I've talked to them about that. He that actually specific person, his name is Brad, he connected me with a pilot, because at some point, I would like to become a pilot and learn how to fly planes. And that's an opportunity that may not, you know, would have showed up anywhere else. I sure I'm sure I could go and find a pilot somewhere. But through that relationship, I was able to have the opportunity to talk with this person firsthand and be like, Hey, you know, we have the common friend Brad, you know, let's let's build this relationship out a little bit. And again, I try to provide opportunities to people who I relationships as well. And then lastly, the support. Part of it that kind of relates back to the accountability on our run, but the support. So, for me a lot of the support I've gotten from, from my book for my coaching for the 4% Club. And even though they didn't run it, the people from the basic course gave me a ton of support for the run this past weekend, four by four by 48. And so the support is huge. Having people there who, who build you up. And it's been really great that we are all in different, different business sectors, different ages, different walks of life. But we're all just there to show up and support each other. And again, like I said, this is one that goes both ways. Another person in our, in our team, she's, she's starting a company. And it's been really great to watch her grow it, watch her kind of iterate through the process, in all of us on the team have been supporting her all the way through it. And I could go on with stories about everyone from from the basic course team, and a ton of other people who I've built relationships with, but, but those, those three things really hit home with me the accountability, opportunities and support under relationships has been, you know, super important to me. And then a fourth kind of pillar, under the relationship building that I wanted to touch on is community. Because it's great if you can have a relationship with one person. But if you can build that out to people they know, into other people, and then other people that those other people know, you start to have a community around you, where it's not just you and a couple of people. Now, if you have a community, you have all these people around you who all support you and who you support. I think that's one of the one of the greatest parts for me, that I'm kind of seeing happen real time is I'm building relationships, I wanted to time, genuine relationships with people. And as I kind of look back and look in the rearview, I'm like, wow, I have a lot of really good relationships with a really, like, high amount of people, like a lot of people. And it's becoming a community where I'm not only talking to people that I know, but I'm connecting people I know with other people I know who can serve each other. You know, so that's been really great for me as well. Not only being able to lean on someone and have someone lean on me, but also saying, hey, you and you would go really well together. You both are working on this or you both are struggling with this. And you only get there through relationship building. Very well said Tanner. Especially now though, it seems like we need other people. We need this community this accountability to support, but with Coronavirus and the restrictions and those sorts of things it seems like even more difficult than ever before. What are some advice? Like? What advice would you give to people who are craving this sense of community that they're that are in need of support or accountability, or these opportunities you speak of like where were they start and what would they do to get to where you are? Yeah, so it's it's definitely difficult with with COVID with the restriction with lockdowns, you know, you can only gather so many people at a time. But one thing that I truly believe is that, and again, I think I got it from Tony Robbins, but he says that resources are never the issue. resourcefulness is the issue. And so what what does that mean? Basically, what that means is that, you know, you can say, Oh, I don't know enough people, or I don't have enough of this, or I don't have enough time. But that's not really the core issue. The core issue is that you're not, I don't want to say you're not trying hard enough, but you're not. Maybe you're not turning over enough stones. Maybe you're not putting your attention where it needs to be. Maybe you're not putting your focus where it needs to be. So for people who need that support community, or looking for opportunities or accountability. Now during the lockdowns, I think a good place to start is somewhere where I've started recently is just on social media. It's great to connect with people who's messaged you like, that's one of the reasons why I connected with you, Jesse, a bunch of other people online, I've never met, but I've had fantastic conversations with them. I seek people out. That's one thing I think a lot of people can improve on, is taking an active role in building the relationships. It's a lot more difficult. If you sit back and wait for people to come to you. It may work a little bit but I like to take an active role in seeking people out and finding people and if I like what someone says. Then it's as easy as you know making a little comment and saying, you know, hey, that this really touched me, I really liked that, can you tell me a little bit more about it? or asking people questions about you know what they do or why they think this way where they got their perspective from. So social media, I think can be used as a fantastic tool for this for relationship building. It really can, whether it's Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, you know, that they can be used as tools, I think they can also be used, like, as a kind of like a time suck, if you if you just get on them. And you just, you know, scroll away, and you just look at, you know, what people are doing and the food people are reading and whatever the in, like, you can do that, and they can take up a lot of your time. But if you're looking for these kind of relationships in the in the things that these relationships can provide, then I would suggest trying to use these social media, you know, websites or apps, as tools and viewing them as a tool to get in touch with people rather than just spending your time on them. Thought of the thought came after me that like your what I heard you saying is intentional social media use, you know, and I really like the idea of using it as a tool to expand your network to grow your community. And I think you have these this theme in your life Tanner where you putting yourself out there going to the three or seven project reaching out to me and other people and making these connections, like just putting yourself out there and just see what happens, like really demonstrates a lot of what we're all about the action, our you know, that's why I'd love to hear your perspective on these things. Because you're just putting yourself out there with no attachment necessarily to like, what's going to come of it. And all these awesome things are happening for you. Yeah, definitely. I 100% agree with that. And I will say that, you know, if you if you're trying to build relationships and reach out to people, you know, some people aren't going to reply, I've made a ton of comments, I've messaged a bunch of people, and genuine genuinely and, you know, said, Hey, you know, I really like this or, you know, whatever the post is. But, you know, more often than not, I would say people people don't respond, and that's got to be okay. You know, not everyone's going to respond to your messages. But the point is to get yourself out there, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there. That's one thing I've really been trying to work on recently is one being my, my authentic self, who I really am putting out things that I believe in. And then secondly, connecting with with other people who, who have similar views or who, who think similarly, and people who don't, but then being being okay, with whatever comes of that, you know, don't expect anything in return. You know, if you if you comment on, or talk to try to talk to someone some celebrity, maybe you don't hear back, and that's okay, because what you said was genuine, you know, you're not asking for anything, you're just saying, Hey, I really appreciate what you just put out here. I think it was really great. I think a lot of people would benefit from hearing this. And that, you know, maybe you don't hear back, maybe you do but but yeah, it's just it's just about like putting yourself out there and seeing what comes of it just, you know, don't don't expect anything to come from it. But, you know, the more you put yourself out there, the more things will come. And they'll be great. What do you think it is that keeps most people from putting themselves out there like this? So I think one thing that keeps a lot of people from putting themselves out there is fear, fear of judgment, fear what people think. I think it's a really big issue. And it really, really makes me sad. Because it's okay, in my mind, it's okay to aspire to be similar to people to be like people, if people are doing things you'd like to do. I think that it's, it's good. And it's okay to want similar things and to do similar things as them. But where I think things get tripped up a little bit is when people want to be exactly like other people or follow their path exactly. And I think the fear of being judged for trying to follow a path like that trips people up. So I know we're talking a lot about social media, but people on social media, what, what I have seen, I guess, is the people who do well on social media. They put out content and they put out messages that they truly believe and that are not always I don't want to say safe. They're not always agreeable, I guess to everybody. And so what I'm trying to say is you need to be unafraid to put your message out, regardless of whether you're going to get flack for it or not. I heard something the other day that if If you're not getting any flack for the messages that you're putting out, then maybe you should lean into your message a little bit stronger. And kind of what that means is put yourself out there, put your truest self out there. And maybe some people won't like it. But you'll know at the end of the day, that that's who you are, and it'll be something that you're proud to put out. There's a ton of people, you know, that put out messages and stuff that I disagree with. But it's their truth. There's also a bunch of people who put out stuff that I do agree with. And I'm like, wow, that was really bold that they said that, you know, and those are the people who, who seem to do well, who seem to have, you know, the best relationships and, you know, who seem to do the best. People who are unafraid to kind of get that flack from people. So I think, I think it's important to put out a message and put yourself out there as your true and authentic self. I think anything less than that, is just going to lead to unhappiness. And I think that's where a lot of people are right now people trying to copy other people or be like other people, when I think it'd be a much easier road to happiness, if you just put your true self out there. That reminds me of what almost seems like when people are trying to be like other people, it's like, they don't know who they really are. So they're just trying to latch on to, you know, anything that they see that shiny and new or a nice Instagram feed or whatever. That reminds me of a conversation we had before we hopped on the podcast here, Tanner, it was about the idea of identity. And I know there's an instance when you were, were an athlete, and you hit your head and you got knocked out, I'd love to know more about that, because it reminded me of the idea that's about people in the military. You know, when we get out of service, we lose our identity, like I was a Marine, I am a marine. And then and then like, Who am I, when I come into the civilian world, you know, it's like, my identity gets wrapped up in what's behind me. And now I don't know who I am. So I love if you could share a bit about that story. What big perspective shifts came from that and what it looked like for you to rebuild your identity in your life after that? Yeah, definitely. So back in high school, when I was a sophomore, I was.. it was my, one of my first games playing on the varsity soccer team. And I hit heads with another player. And I didn't get knocked out. But I like don't remember that, like 20 minutes or so. And then I was sitting on a bench. Later in the day, I had a really bad headache, went to the hospital. And I had fractured my skull. And there was a blood vessel on the inside of my skull that had been cut by part of the fractured bone. And so I was bleeding into my head. And so it was putting pressure on my brain. So I was ambulanced to another hospital where I literally had life saving surgery, they said I was about an hour, if I had not gone to the hospital for about another hour, I probably would have passed away. So had surgery that night, I have a small metal plate and two screws in my head now. And I couldn't play soccer for about six months or so I couldn't really do any physical activity for about six months. And obviously, I was grateful to, to have lived through that. In the moment, I really had no idea what was going on, no one told me, hey, you're at risk of dying, or hey, this is really bad. Everyone was was just trying to keep me, you know, normal and happy and you know, in the moment. So I didn't really know the severity of it until afterwards. So I couldn't play soccer or do anything really physical for about six months or so afterwards. And in high school, I would say probably not so much now that I'm a little bit older but in high school. Identity plays a huge part of who you are, you know, if you're if you're the football quarterback or you know if you're the lead guy on the debate team or whatever the case may be identity plays a huge part. And I'd say it probably continues on throughout life for most people, you know, their identity is what they do, or, or whatever the case may be. But in high school, it seems to be more prominent, I guess. And so for me, obviously glad that I had lived but now kind of back in real life now that I was not at risk of anything. You know, now what do I do? I was the kid who I played soccer yearround always playing soccer. I wasn't the best but I was really good at my school, which you know, it's difficult when something like that's taken away from you or you need to step away from something like that, where all of a sudden, you know, you're the number two or number three guy on the soccer team. And then all of a sudden you go to practices and you watch, or you have to stay home, or whatever the case may be, you can't do what you used to do anymore. And so like you said, your identity is kind of changed from, yeah, I'm the number two guy, I'm a captain on the soccer team, to now I'm on the guy who sits on the bench. And, you know, doesn't really do anything I'll practice are all game. And so it was a, it was hard, you know, looking back the the kind of shift that took place from from that I'm the number two guy or whatever to, to now I'm on the I'm on the bench the whole time. And I'd say the kind of perspective shift that I had was finding other things that you can attach yourself to. Because I believe that there's no one thing that defines any of us. So I was a soccer player. You know, I was I was a captain. But that's not all that defined me. And I think in the moment, it was very difficult to realize that. But I think now today in my life, like we talked earlier, I'm a project administrator at the company where I work. But that's not who I am. I am, I'm an ultra runner, I would argue. But that's not who I am. I'm an author, now, almost of my books home was published, but that's not who I am either. And so if these things get taken away from me, or if I can't do them anymore, I think by adding multiple kind of pillars to, to this, this person I am, I don't get really attached to any one of them. But when you're when for me personally, when I was in high school, it was very difficult to, to realize that I had so many other things going for me, like, Yeah, I was really good at soccer, and I was on the soccer team and everything. But I was also doing really well in school, I was gonna go to a good college, you know, I was still alive. I can play soccer next year, I was also really good at track, I was on the track team. And so again, I'm not saying these things to brag, but it was difficult to see these other things that I could kind of attach myself to. And I think a lot of people have a difficult time doing that. If there's one kind of defining thing in their life, and so for those people, I would suggest finding other things to connect yourself with. That way, if there is something that goes wrong, or something that you can't do anymore, you don't have this kind of identity crisis of Who am I now, you know, so that it doesn't get to that point where you feel like you've lost such a big part of you. Like, like, like I did when I couldn't play soccer for a few months there. And like I said, looking back, it seems like someone significant, it was only six months, I could come back and play soon, you know, and everything. But in the moment, it felt really, really difficult. And so I completely understand the people who say, you know, well, this is who I am, and I've lost it. But like I said, looking back now, I think it's important to kind of attach yourself to other things as well. So you can be kind of a rounded individual, I guess not solely attached to one thing. Where you're setting this, you're setting yourself up for this 110 I want to know you're saying you're not the things you do you know, you're not the soccer player, that's just something you do. You're not an ultra runner, even though it's something you do. So let's get down to like the core. They're like, what, how does someone go about finding who they really are? Yeah, I think who you are. So that's, that's a really good question. I think that's something that probably evolves all throughout your life. I know we talked a little bit about earlier, I'm kind of going to, you know, go back to, to my family. I think, for me that that's such a central thing. That kind of Who am I the kind of the first thing I guess that comes into my head is Who am I is I'm someone who, who cares about and who loves my family, you know, who loves to be with my family who loves to support my family. Yes, I guess that's kind of who I am. And I suppose kind of to play devil's advocate here that if you know, God forbid that was taken away, maybe I would lose some sense of self. But I think more it's it seems more like the almost superficial things like like soccer or being an author are the things that could be taken away, where people might lose their sense of self. But I think the who, who are you, at the core is more of a deeper thing. And so, family, to me, isn't a specific person, or, or something like that, like, obviously, you know, I love my individual family members, but, you know, people pass on. And that's a fact of life. And so, you know, if someone in my family got, like I said, God forbid, passes on, that doesn't mean I cease to be, you know, a family man, or someone who loves my family. You know, family can be, you know, my, my siblings, my parents, my grandparents, my girlfriend. So I think family, I guess is something that maybe can't be taken away. Now that I'm really thinking about it. So that's, I guess that's who I am. And maybe that's something that can't be taken away, is being someone who cares about their family. Whereas, you know, I could, you know, my computer could get dropped in the ocean, and I lose my book, and then I cease to be an author. Or, if you know, I get in a car accident, and, you know, I lose my legs, or I'm paralyzed, and I can't run anymore, that I'm not an ultramarathon runner. But I think someone who cares for their family is kind of different, where maybe that can't really be taken away. I think it's really powerful how you were, you're identifying the things you have going for you when this this perspective shift that came when you were such as you were a soccer player, and that's what you were wrapped up in. But then when you step back a little bit, you know, after the six month was up, or whatever, you realize that you have all these other things going for you, you have a family that loves you, you have you know, the debate team, and all these different things that are going on for you. So like, what would you tell someone who's been stripped of their identity? Or who's going through a challenging time? Or maybe who doesn't have their family? Like, how did they start to make this perspective shift and take on so they can see what they do have instead of what they don't? That's a really good question, Jesse. I think, for me, it comes down. It sounds like this is a question about what you're what you're focusing on. And I think that what you focus on is really important as you go day to day through your life. Because at any time, right now, literally this moment where we're talking, or in the future, when someone's listening to this episode, right now, if you chose to, you could focus on children, somewhere in the world, starving to death or dying, people being tortured, it's horrible. Obviously, that would make anyone feel terrible, if that's what you choose to focus on. And those are important issues. But at the same time, you can also focus on things that you have going for you, you can focus on good things. And so it's difficult, I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do. But I think if you can shift your focus, if you can, you know, really see inside of yourself and say, Where am I focusing? What am I focusing on. And then if you can learn to shift to that, I really think that someone going through a tough time like that, like me, when I couldn't play soccer, it was really difficult to shift my focus off of, I can't play soccer. That's all that was going through my head. But I could definitely focus on. Yeah, well, you know, my parents still love me. And, you know, my grades are getting even better now. Because I don't have anything to do. So I just, you know, do my homework and whatever. So what I'm trying to say is, if you can shift your focus, then I really think that you're able to, to point your your your life in any direction you choose, you know, you can, you can sure, focus on all the negatives, it's probably a lot easier to do that to focus on all the negatives. But I don't think that discounts all of the positives, I think maybe you just need to seek them out a little bit. But they're definitely there. You just need you just need to find them. And choose it's a choice. It's a choice to focus on them. But I think you need to choose to focus on the positives on things that are good. Take us on this journey to write in this book. You know you so after high school, you've rebuilt your identity, perhaps you know, you're coming back home to your family, you're feeling better about yourself after some space from that injury. Be curious to know what drove you to write a book come out of college. So after sophomore year when I broke my head, that's what I like to call it. That's what a lot of people say. I broke my head. I went to a school called Wentworth in Boston. And like I said, I had good grades. It's a good good engineering school. I had a great guidance counselor who actually just reconnected with the other day, which was awesome. He's an awesome dude. And when I was going to college, I felt pretty prepared. Right? Like my older brother had gone to college, my older sister had gone to college, I knew a bunch of people who had gone to college, my mom had gone to college. So I'm like, these people know what's going on, I'm good to go. But then going through, there were a lot of things that I learned that I was like, man, if someone had told me this, before I came here, I would have had an easier time, I would have been able to, you know, maybe pay less money for college, save some money, I would have been able to, you know, get better grades, I would have had more fun. And so I think it was my senior year. This was about three years ago, when I started writing the book. And at the time, I wasn't even really thinking of writing a book, I was just writing down kind of a list of stuff that I was like, yep. Wish I knew that when I came in, or yet wish I knew about that website. And there was a just kind of a bunch of stuff that I was like, this would have been really great to know beforehand. And so that kind of, you know, changed and morphed into me writing like paragraphs and like comments on, you know, the things I wanted to know more about, or things I wanted other people to know about. And then I was like, I should like do something with all this information that I have now that I've put together. And so I started, like with the idea of like, maybe I'll just, you know, write like a little guide or something and just give it to someone, I don't know, I really didn't have any, any plans for it or anything. But then as time went on through the MBA program, I kept kind of, you know, chipping away here and there adding little topics, I'm like, Oh, this would have been really good to know as well. I was most of the way through it, or what I thought was it. And then after I went on that hike, the basic course last August, and you know, found this, this little community of awesome people who I went with, they all kind of asked what was going on in my world. And I was like, oh, you know, I've got this book that's unfinished, haven't really worked on whatever. And they're like, you got to get that out in the world, someone's got a, someone's got to hear that, like there's information for someone in there. And so since then, I've really been hammering on it and writing it and finishing it up and everything. But like I said, it's pretty much it's called college made easy. And it's, it's, it's geared towards either juniors or seniors in high school, going to college or their parents, because there's a lot of good information in there for parents as well. And it outlines my experience in college, and all of the things that I wished I knew going to college. And there's, you know, everything from small things to big things, stuff from on moving day, bring a doorstop, because you're going to be in and out of your room 50 times from the car, and it's super annoying to have to get your key out every time you go into your room, all the way up to talking about financial aid, and how to pay for college and how to find loans and scholarships and how to deal with roommate issues. And all of it is from firsthand experience, that was really important to me, I didn't write anything in there that I didn't either live or go through. Because I wanted everything in there to to be from me so that I could I could actually speak about it and have an opinion about it. Because it's one thing to think theoretically about an issue. And then it's different to have actually lived something and then been there and been able to talk about it in that way. So walk us through the process, these guys kick started you after the three or seven projects to get it gone. But tell us about like the discipline it took or your process for for writing the book and finishing it off. Yeah, so there, there were days for sure when I did not feel like writing anything in those days are still here, because I'm still not done. But it really came down to I'm not sure where I picked this up, but constant forward motion. And I kind of use that in the terms of of daily action, constant daily action. So every day I had to do something. And so like even on the weekends, if it was opening up the book and writing three sentences on some paragraph, then had to do it. But every every day, I was like I have to do something to push the needle forward to move this thing forward a little bit. And so there were plenty of days when I felt good writing and, you know, I would sit down for an hour and just be in the zone and typing and typing and you know, thinking back about my experience and how I could use that to help people how it could frame issues in different topics to help help students and parents navigate college better. Then, like I said, there are other days where I was like, I don't even want to open I dont even want to look at my laptop, you know, much less open it up and you know, pull up the documents and start typing and thinking about college and you know, different courses of action and everything but, but really putting in the discipline to do it every day. I think not only was crucial to me getting to where I am now with the book where it's almost published, but also something I've used in in other aspects of life. That's one thing I like to talk with people about in the 4% Club that that I do with people, when I coach people or I talk with people, if they have a big goal they're trying to do, then I tell them, you know, don't don't go a day without doing something on it, you know, I'm not discounting, you know, rest days or, or something like that. Or days off, because those are those are important. But for me, it was really crucial to do something every day now that like I said, that doesn't mean sitting down and writing 5000 words, it could be maybe I sit down with my pen and a piece of paper and just jot down some notes on some some future topics or paragraphs I want to write. Or maybe it's, you know, texting my old college roommate, and being like, hey, what was what was like, the most difficult thing about living with me, and just seeing what he has to say, and then including that in the book later on. And so doing just something every day was was super important for me. And that's one thing that really helped going on, on the basic course with the three of seven project was these people who I was with, you know, we still have calls once a month, at the end of the month, when we talk about our goals and what we've been doing. And it kind of goes back to a relationship building where I knew I had a relationship with his, with these people. And I knew at the end of the month, I was going to be accountable to them. And they would say, Hey, did you work on your book this month? I sure I could lie to them and be like, Oh, yeah, I worked on it every day. But I knew like within me that I wouldn't have worked on it. And so if there came a day where I really was not feeling like it, I would think forward to that call and be like, Man, these people are gonna ask me about this book. And I don't want to have to lie to them. And I don't want to have to tell them that I didn't work on it. And so that gave me kind of the extra push to just do something whether like I said, it's texting my roommate writing one sentence, or whatever the case may be. But that's that's kind of what helped me write the book and other aspects of life is just taking daily, daily action every day. And you spoken to the idea of doing this to help other people to serve other people. And one of the things that really stood out was a quote about that I heard from you. When it goes something along the lines of "the more you give, the more you live". I love to know where that comes from this. This drive for service is something we're all about here. I believe. We're all here for us to serve something larger than ourselves, you know, to give of ourselves to somebody else. I'd love to know where that come from, and you and what that looks like. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so this is super important to me. And something that I'm experiencing more and more of every day. In the way I'm going to talk about it is a little bit financial, but it's not just financial, just because that I think that's an easy topic for people to understand. So last year, I started attending, or the year before that, I started attending a local church here. And I started giving money every week to them, which I had never really done before. And I continued to do it through last year, even though like it wasn't in person, whatever it was church online and everything. But anyways, I kept giving to church and you know, in the moment, obviously, I'm happy to give and, you know, it's a good thing to do. But at the same time, there's a little part of me, that's like, Man, I'm giving up, I worked hard for this money, I work 40 hours a week for this, you know, I go in, and I'm working every day to get this money, and I'm giving some of it up. But then, over the course of the year, you know, come tax time when I you know, do my taxes I made not only from my job, but from other things that I had done throughout the year. I made more money last year than I had ever made in my life. And I'm young, I'm only 25. But, but that was kind of eye opening to me where, you know, I looked back at all of the money that in all the things that had given not only to church, but to other other places and other things. And I was like wow, I gave more than I've ever given before in my life last year, and I made more than I have ever made before. And so some people might say, well, maybe it's just a coincidence, but not to me, you know, living in the moment. It's definitely not a coincidence. It's happened in other things as well, where, you know, I've I've given to I don't, I don't want to speak to specifically because I don't want to want it to seem like I'm bragging about the giving that I do, or the amounts or anything because, you know, it's high or low, depending who you talk to whatever. But, you know, I gave to an animal shelter a couple of weeks ago. And I received a gift for my birthday from my grandfather, later that week. And the amount that I received was five times the amount that I had given. And I'm not saying it's because I gave, I'm not saying, you know, anything like that. But to me, at least, the way I have experienced life is, the more I give, the more I get. And, more importantly than that, and again, that's not just financial, I don't want people to get it confused and think it's just financial, it's not. But the more I give, the better I feel. And so one thing in the 4% Club that I encourage people to do, I give them like little daily like challenges and stuff. And this one has nothing to do with their goals or anything, but it's what I like to include in every one is I try to get people to do like a random act of kindness. And what I like to throw is like by someone behind you in the drive thru coffee, just little things like that. And, you know, it's what, like maybe five bucks, or something like that. And the more I do small things like that, or the more I give, whether it's money or clothes or my time, or you know, my words, just you know, speaking with someone, the more I give, the more or the the fuller I guess I live that the better I feel it's an incredible feeling, to give whatever you're giving, and especially to give with no expectation of getting anything in return. I one one that sticks out to me as I was in a drive thru out this little local coffee shop near my house. And I gave the the woman my card and I said, Hey, I want to get the guy behind me is coffee. And she's like, okay, I'll give you your card as next window after he orders. I'm like, Oh, sweet. Sounds good. So I pulled up. And she gave me my coffee and my card. And the guy behind me, as I was driving away now, like slowly about to like, you know, pull out, the guy behind me pulled up to the window where you get your coffee. He got like halfway out of his window to wave at me. And like I could read his lips. And he said, Thank you. And he's just, he was so happy. And I drove what I've I don't have no clue who he was, I'll probably never see him again. But just doing a little thing like that, that cost me like three bucks. Like, it's almost it's almost feels like a selfish thing. Because it made me feel so good to do that. It almost seems selfish because it's like, yeah, I bought him his coffee. And I'm sure he was happy to get a free coffee. But the amount of happiness he got from a free coffee is nothing compared to the happiness I saw. Or the happiness I got from seeing his happiness. You know. I love it. Man. I love this perspective. I love your this idea of service. I love the discipline you showed in this, especially this big emphasis on community and the accountability, opportunity and support that these people bring in. It seems like it's really changing your life in a really powerful way. And it's it's evolving, still moving forward still. But I would love to know I mean, if I was listening this episode, I want to know where I can connect with you. So can you share that with the audience where they might learn more about your book - College made easy. Connect with you on social media or website, anything like that? Yeah, absolutely. So I do have. I'm building my own website right now. It's under construction, I guess you would call it it's just TannerMcFarland.com. And if you're looking for more information on the book, it's TannerMcFarland.com/collegemadeeasy. I'll keep that pretty updated with all the links and everything included in the book. On Instagram I'm @Tanner_McFarland. And I'd love to connect with anyone who's listening to this reach out and I'd love to have a conversation. Yeah, with that with anybody about anything pretty much. Amazing Tanner and I'll link all these websites and your social media, Instagram, all in the show notes so people can reach out to you and hope they do. That's the one thing I like to ask my guests at the end of the show is what is the legacy you want to leave behind when you die? You know that that's like a lot of the questions you've asked is a very good question. So, so what is a legacy? I would say it's like the story of a person's life. Or, you know, who, who they've impacted or how they've impacted someone or something. I guess for me, like we talked a little bit earlier about social media, I would like my legacy to be something about helping people become their true self. And in helping being, being someone people could go to, to help them be their true self, because I think that's super important. I think we need more of that in the world, more people being their authentic selves. And then I think I would also like my legacy to include something about, you know, serving, serving my family in being being about my family, putting my family above everything, because like I said earlier, the amount that they've given to me and provided to me, I don't think there's any way I'm going to be able to repay them in my lifetime or 100 lifetimes, but I think I'd like my legacy to include that, I at east gave it my best shot. Amazing, man, just give me your best shot. I love that. I love the idea of being there for your family and giving back to the world what is given to you, man, so hope anybody listening to this, please reach out to Tanner on Instagram. Check out his book college made easy and tune in next week. On the next episode of the action hour. This is Jesse Simpson signing off. Have an amazing day.