The Action Hour

Interview with Johnny King - Men's Lifestyle and Fulfillment Strategist, Author, Speaker and Coach

March 17, 2021 Jesse Simpson Season 1 Episode 16
The Action Hour
Interview with Johnny King - Men's Lifestyle and Fulfillment Strategist, Author, Speaker and Coach
Show Notes Transcript

Johnny King is a Men's Lifestyle and Fulfillment Strategist and he just jam-packed this episode with value for anyone wanting to become their best self and make the most of their time on this earth.

He is a Men’s Transformational Coach, public speaker and author.

Check out his podcast, the Johnny King Show,  and his upcoming book, “Becoming Kings: The Modern Man’s Path to Being Powerful, Purpose-Driven, and Fulfilled In A World That Has Taught You Not To Be."

Before Johnny started to help men reach their highest potential, he first had to discover his own. Amidst the recession of 2010, Johnny was broke: $35,000 in debt, jobless, and picking up the pieces of a failed marriage. He thought he was done… Little did he know it was just the start of his journey. He resolved to never experience hopelessness like that again.

Tune in here to learn how he did and how you can too on this value packed episode with Johnny King.

Buckle up and enjoy the ride!


Connect with Johnny on either of the following.
www.JohnnyKing.com
Facebook: JohnnyKing.comFacebook.com/JohnnyKingCoaching
IG: @JohnnyKing
LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/JohnLKing
Twitter: @JohnLKing

Unknown:

Welcome to the action hour. My name is Jesse Simpson. And I believe there's never been a better time in the history of the world to be alive. I'm on a mission to bring you the insights, ideas and inspiration. You need to uncover your greatness and take action on your dreams. If you want to start a business, write a book, take a big trip, or level up to a higher state of living in the world. mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially. The stories found in this show will provide the action steps and energy you need to succeed. No matter what you are going through where you've been. You can at any time, break that cycle and transform your life. This show is going to show you how to do it. If you've got the itch to act, now is the time allow the inspiring stories within this show to serve as your guide. This is the action hour, buckle up and enjoy the ride. Welcome back world thanks for tuning in. I've got a gift for you today. If you're a man on a mission to make your most of the time on this planet, you've got to tune into this episode, all the way in my guest today Jonny king, a men's lifestyle, Fulfillment Strategist, and just jam packed. This episode, this interview with value is real. He's authentic. He really showed up today, Johnny, I really appreciate you doing that. sharing your story of becoming a transformational coach, a public speaker. He's also got the Johnny King show a podcast is jam packed full of incredible guests and interviews. He's an author with an upcoming book called becoming kings. But it wasn't always so easy. He wasn't always at this level just in 2010. Not too long ago, he was broke $35,000 in debt, jobless and picking up the pieces of a failed marriage. He thought his life was over. But instead of just being a victim to what was going on around him, he really showed up. He stood up to the plate. And now he's supporting men on a mission to become their best self. So dive into Johnny's world and learn how to become your best self. This is the action hour here is Johnny King. Hi, Johnny King. Thanks so much for coming on the action hour, I would love for you to introduce yourself, tell the audience a bit about who you are and how you got there. Yeah, man, thank you for having me on. And first and foremost, I want to just acknowledge you, you, you were on my podcast featured earlier this week. So many people have reached out to me said it was such a powerful and transformational interview and just excited for the work that you're doing the retreats you're doing down in Colombia, just I'm just grateful to cross paths with you. So thanks for letting me get on the show here. Yeah, likewise, definitely I would what how would I say who I am, I am a like a men's kind of transformational and fulfillment strategist, if you will. So just kind of helping guys do what I had to do for myself too, which is, you know, a lot of times we're focused a lot on success and however we wanted to find that. But then, man, I found myself "looking successful at one point in my life and just being deeply unfulfilled". So it's that whole kind of yin and yang of the science of achievement and the artist fulfillment. So yeah, just kind of folks working with primarily guys, I coached women for eight years, from 2010 to 2018. And then just felt the calling to kind of switch things over to men, kind of really felt like it started to resonate with my own my own journey. And yeah, that's what I've been doing ever since. So that's kind of where I'm at. Well take us on a journey, Johnny, I'd be curious to know where those those, you know, those forks in the road, when you had to make a decision and you, you took action, and you really change your life and now you're pivoting but talking, take us back to the old definition of success, what that look like and how your life is different now. Yeah, I mean, I think for me, obviously, growing up in the US, having an entrepreneurial father who's kind of a workaholic. I don't think I ever really slowed down enough to define what success was truly for me, I just kind of went off of what society and my parents kind of raised me to believe. And you know, my story is probably not very different from other people's in the sense that I just was, the whole thought was, you know, good education, good job, making money, house, life, you know, eventually kids, yada yada, yada, right. So, I just hadn't really slowed down but but I also was also starting to live my life I was married, like in 2007 to 2010. Kind of falling into my dad's footsteps. workaholic, hardly home even when I was home I really wasn't present a whole lot. I knew I was failing. Failing her. I didn't know what it was to be a present an emotionally aware husband, if not man, for that matter. You know, with or without the, the spouse, I really didn't even know what it meant to be a man. And so I just was following traditional, you know, definitions of success and it was leaving me, like, so empty and so fresh, just so angry, but very apathetic as well, because I was kind of just swallowing up that anger and trying to keep it from coming out because I'm not a violent guy. I'm not an angry guy. I'm not that type of "guy". And so just a lot of those feelings were suppressed through distracting myself and everything else. But it would start to leak, leak out in different ways throughout my life and be passive aggressive or nitpicky or yeah, just just annoyed by anything and everything. So then even though I love people, I would find myself wanting to pull away from people just so I wouldn't be so frickin frustrated, you know, and this comes and goes, man, I still been dealing with this, it's been rearing its ugly head again, I think during COVID. Which I think is humbling to to see like, you can do the work, but man, it has a way to keep keep you on your toes because the work never ends, you know. So that would be the the quick gist of what I've been battling through. So the work never ends. Johnny, tell us more about those first key action steps that you took, though, when you made this, this change. And I can you speak into like the big shift, or what happened that initiated all of this? Yeah, I mean, I think I do feel like it was kind of a 123 punch, where, in 2006, my mom passed away, that was probably the very first thing that, you know, anytime you lose your parent earlier than you would kind of expect, you know, she was only 61 if there was a major record scratch into the, you know, the vision of the future, right. So that that took some getting used to, but I had already met my ex at the time and had fallen in love and just a couple weeks after a mom's funeral, we got engaged, which was exciting. So that was just an emotional rollercoaster just imagine going from grief and loss to excitement of starting another chapter. Shortly after we were married. Again, I was struggling in terms of really being that present. That type of husband and, and ultimately, like the father that I wanted to be that I didn't necessarily have when I was younger, that was really my, my, my wounding, you know, my father wound that I didn't fully recognize or put my, be able to put my finger on at the time. But that drove a lot of my behaviors. Shortly thereafter, actually, my dad came out of the closet. And so I was putting a lot of pressure on him. And so were the my four other siblings to be like, yo, dad, we lost mom, where the hell are you? And we didn't really have the empathy or the the understanding of man, he was reeling from having lost his spouse, his best friend, but then he was also had been living a lie for 50 years of his homosexuality and like, trying to figure out do I keep it a secret do I come out and so he came out which there was so much that was actually good about that and healing in our relationship. But that was another like, holy shit. Like that was a major, another major record scratch. And then just six months after that, the wife decided to seek greener pastures and asked for a divorce. And so within like three years, ultimately, it was like, just so much ups and downs and, and me not really having the grounding of knowing what true masculinity was, for me, being a man like I, I just really struggled to have any sense of footing. And I wasn't really connecting with spirituality in my faith. So man, that was the catalyst to, to kind of yeah, kind of asking myself like, is this really what I want my life? How did I even get here, even though on paper, it looks amazing. But bless her heart, it was actually my my ex wife who gave me a ticket to see Tony Robbins in person for our second year anniversary. And that that gift saved my life in many regards, because I don't know if I would have been able to get through the divorce and everything else, which was an extremely difficult time in my life without the things that I was learning. At my first Tony Robbins event prior to going through that divorce, so that was the beginning of kind of diving into personal development. It sounds like you were kicked over and over again while you were down. Yeah, I didn't. I mean, I didn't fully acknowledge it because again, I don't like to be that like victim and yet, yeah, I was feeling it for sure. I was I remember traveling on, you know, while still married, traveling the West half of the US because I was managing 26 - 27 different rep agencies and not necessarily being in tears, but just sitting there being like, I know I am failing, like my biggest wound was not having my father, but also seeing the pain that my mom went through, not not really having my father and having to raise five kids on our own, and not wanting to put someone through that again. And knowing that I was kind of already starting off my new marriage like struggling with not fulfilling her emotional needs, man, I was, I was not in a good place. And as I told her to, at the end of the day, like I wouldn't have wanted to be married to that guy, either. Because that guy was a shell of a man of who I know, I could become and who I have seen myself be able to become through growth and persistence, you know? Amazing. I'm glad you're on the way. I'm sorry. It took so much to get there. But I'd be curious to know if you could speak more into the transformation, you went to Tony Robbins, what did you learn from that? And then what did you do after that, that really started to change your life? Mmm, that's a good question. It's been a journey. I mean, like I said, I don't know if the journey ever really ends. And the more you learn about yourself, the more you realize you don't want you don't know, right? So it can be a little bit overwhelming at times, I think the very first, some of the very first aha is probably literally the very first day of unleash the power within in Chicago 2009 was realizing how I was valuing, he talks about the six human needs, and I was valuing the two of my six human needs in in a way, you know, valuing those two higher than the other four in a way that was creating a life that was deeply unfulfilling, you know, it was really focused on significance, which is founded in my lack of self belief in my my insecurity, as well as this drive for certainty for money to have, you know, like, I was just scared, so it's acting out of fear. So it's all about am I worth someone? Am I, you know, am I have? Am I unique and special, and do I have like, the stability. And that's when I first realized I needed to rework those, to focus more on contributing to something greater than myself, and to be really focused on on growing as a as a man, you know, and so that really kicked off my, my learning, but then that led to, man, I did all of Tony's I invested in the university mastery program, so that most of his online or his live stuff than I did landmark and MIT and size seminars and mankind project. And this, you know, just, I almost was really kind of focusing, I would set a goal of doing at least one if not two personal development courses per year. And I've been doing that for over a decade. So a lot of that has been just, there's a lot there that I could certainly unpack. But again, that's kind of the 30,000 foot view of it. So if someone was listening to this, and they're feeling, you know, they're going there, they're feeling like a failure like you were when you were, when you're working so much, what would be the first step you would offer they take to get some more clarity to get some more presence to get some more grounding in their life some more footing so they can move forward? Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing is acknowledging that things aren't as good as it might look on the outside, you know, the first thing is acknowledging and speaking, how you're feeling. The challenge I had, though, in 2009, was that I didn't even have the emotional fitness or the, I guess, the ability to articulate how I was feeling. I just remember like, you know, being asked, like, what do you think about this? How do you feel like I don't, I literally didn't have words, I had no practice. So it's like, I was going into the gym and I couldn't even lift because I was so weak, emotionally and intellectually. I couldn't articulate how I was feeling. So and of course, the more I couldn't say what I really felt the more frustrating that was for me, the more frustrating it was for her, the more that was like I guess you don't care because you're stonewalling me or you can't speak I'm like, No, I don't. Like just back off, give me space, like I can't. So a lot of that, to me was finding the words and a lot of it is reading, you know, good books, listening to podcasts like this. Going to seminars, because then at least you're around people who are "lifting heavier than you are" and you start hearing more and more of the words you know, I think one of the first books I was like, I read was five love languages. I was really a lot of relationships as a man that was like the biggest pain at the moment. metaphor Mars, went from Venus like classics, and just getting more and more words into my vocabulary of how I was feeling. And then I started sharing it with a lot of people. And that's kind of kicked off my coaching business, I'd actually started a gym as well in 2010. So I had that for five years around St. Louis. So just it was giving, and it was being vulnerable and telling my story of like, how I was feeling and then people would resonate with me and just got me fitter, if you will, stronger with being able to express my feelings, and it wasn't so scary, to raise my hand and be like, yo, yes, I had, "a good childhood and yet, there's still scars are still wounds that I need to heal" versus attempting to fake it. That eventually I would make it and like the scars and the wounds would just disappear. Right? That wasn't that definitely wasn't solution. So to answer the question is like, Yeah, get get more emotionally fit, opening up talking about your story and how you're feeling to people that you know, is like a safe space. And then to continue doing the work in terms of going to seminars getting, you know, therapist or a coach or, you know, go into down to Colombia with you doing some exploratory work of what's going on inside. Just getting on people that are playing it, like a higher level game than than they are, you know. Yeah, absolutely. And one thing that really stands out with, with what you're saying there, as you talk about this wound, it's like, you, if you act like it's not there, or you're somehow for whatever reason, I'm able to acknowledge it, it doesn't mean it's actually not there. And I think that's a common problem a lot of men have is like emotions or feelings they they can't access them with, like, we were never taught how to access them. What is your take on on emotions and feelings? And where did you start to move into expressing them and be able to share those things and be more vulnerable? Like, what does that look like? It was at these Tony Robbins seminars, you know, because a lot of times, so the, the exercise would be like, okay, now, turn to the person on your right, and, and you're like, what I'm going to tell this, this total stranger that I have this struggle, what you find is that it's actually easier to tell a stranger than it is to tell someone that, you know, you're going to see around town the rest of the year, right? Sometimes, and so for me, that was that was really, really powerful just to start opening up to other people at those seminars. But then again, it lent itself to giving in a major way, you know, my gyms and, and those gyms start opening up to like coaching and doing retreats, women's weight loss retreats, and so being able to open up there as well. And I had kind of surrounded myself with empathetic women at the time, you know, so I no longer had the ex spouse no longer had her mom, I never had my mom, I didn't feel like I necessarily had someone I could talk to, but then these women in this community ended up being really, really helpful. And being a sounding board, you know, and I had, I typically had a coach, I've more or less had a coach at all times for the past 11 years. So that, that, in and of itself is huge, because it's like, a really good coach will know what questions to ask the where they they kind of extract out of you the things that you need to talk about. Just practice, just practicing talking like, Oh, is that how I feel? And just really connecting with? What is it that I really feel? And I really want and what needs to just shift, if that makes sense. 100% getting getting really clear on the changes you need to make instead of acting like there's no changes that need to be made. Right. Right. And this has led you on quite the journey, Johnny, I mean, you're an author. Now you're leading these retreats, you're your coach working with you have these men's groups. How did these all these all came out of your it sounds like from Tony Robbins and the communities we're involved with. Tell us more a bit about the retreats. I'd be curious to know, like this type of work you're doing on these retreats? Yeah, I mean, I think a couple years ago, again, that, you know, the short of the long is that ultimately had my gyms for five years, but in 2014 so I really started off just giving and just, you know, man, I can help people exercise and do all that stuff. Cool. But my passion was really what I was seeing with Tony Robbins. So psychology, right? But the light bulb went off when my buddy Lewis Howes sent me a link that was like, hey, check out this, this program $97 program of how to start a six figure boot camp in 90 days. I had been starting to coach women but I had no education. I was winging it. You know, and I was I was moving I was bumping up against a lot of resistance of these women like who are you and why are you attempting to look at the the skeletons in my closet? Can you just help me lose weight? And I was like, No, but you don't realize that. It's because of the emotions that like screw you, you know. So when Lewis sent that to me, I was like the light bulb went off like oh, like give them what they keep asking for. So that can ultimately give them what they truly need, which is transformation. So I built the kind of the rapport and they got to know like, and trust me through coming to the gym each day. And I was leading, you know, kind of like mega bootcamp classes that it just grew really, really fast. I was doing 60, 70, 80 people in my class or more by myself in this huge room. And in killing it, and then eventually, like getting them to be like, well, how's your nutrition? Okay, not great. Well, why aren't you eating great? Almost because they're stressed, okay. And then it went into that whole thing, right. So ultimately got really practiced with coaching. And, but I didn't really want to be in St. Louis, when my online coaching business took off. And it was making more money than my my gyms, I was like, screw this. I'm moving to Denver. So I moved to Denver, and a year later ultimately sold off my gyms because it was hard to manage from afar. But then I found myself really lonely. I just was like, okay, like, so much of what I love is actually being around them in the gym, in person. So that lent itself to a couple years of actually like stagnation and like, why am I not all that driven and, and I had a few guy friends here and there. in Denver, I finally was like, I hit a threshold. And at the end of 2017, I was like, enough is enough. I cannot do another year like this. I joined joined an expensive mastermind. And so we, you know, each quarter, we'd meet somewhere else around the country. And I just was really seeking for like, what do I do next? Right. And so that's when I shifted, I got the message to shift into men's work. And I was like, You know what, this is exactly it. So I decided, rather than doing everything virtually, which had been the dream of like, I want to be able to live and work from anywhere. And that sounds great. until you realize how lonely it can be. I think being an entrepreneur is probably one of the lonelier occupations you can do, especially for an extrovert like me. So I started meet the meeting of men at the very beginning of 2019, which is literally just to see other any other guys in Denver, who are into personal development, who are into adventuring, doing all those things. So I started doing monthly meetings that were free, just adding value, adding value, bringing in sponsors, or not sponsors, speakers. And doing that, and then out of that, I started asking them, what do you guys want? Like, oh, we'd love to get together outside of here. Can we do this, I was like, yeah, so that I'd already done retreats. And this was still in the back of my mind. This is ultimately where I wanted to go anyways. But it's nice that they were the one who's kind of driving it. So then I started doing retreats up in the mountains and doing like cattle drives, you know, or I bring in another time I brought in a survival specialist. So he came in and showed us how to survive, we rented a cabin out in the back country that we had to hike to, like 13,000 feet, and we learned how to make snow shelters and fire like just cool thing with like, guys connecting with guys being out in the wilderness. And but also working on ourselves while still also having a shit ton of fun, you know. So that's kind of where the retreat started coming in. Granted, COVID was has been a little bit tough in terms of actually getting together, but I think we're all feeling like things are lifting, and we can start doing events like you're doing next week. You know, so that's the that's excitement, but still getting the guys together. Cuz I think that the need for brotherhood and community is so important right now. 100% I think it's interesting how you stepped up to the plate and went to your first Tony Robbins and you got your coach and you create it, you found your community and then you step up the plate and created that for these other men who were in need. I got into men's work, really about this time last year, it was a foreign concept to me, I was in the Marines. I was a firefighter so I was around and but I think that idea about masculinity was a little bit off from from from these places is what we would call toxic, and a lot of circles where it's just beating other people down. But I imagine it and these experiences you're putting on through your coaching through your men's groups. So these retreats, it's more about this, like you said the brotherhood and lifting each other up. I'd be curious to know what types of men you're attracting to these events and like what are the the wounds like you said before that they're coming in with? Jesse, the first question first, it's the last question first. I'd say that the wounds are all very similar. Quite frankly, a lot of them haven't had great relationships or any relationship with dad. You know, that's definitely a common common theme. So there's a lot of wounding there's a lot of abuse of mental, emotional, physical. And so that yeah, that definitely was I think, where guys realize, Oh, they have a lot of similar fears and a lot of similar pasts and that they're not alone. I think that's a huge part of their recollection. I'd say most new guys even coming into my meeting of men meetings each month. are like this the first one. They're like, Oh my gosh, like I, I'm not alone. That's just I think a lot of us believe that things that are going like we're the only fucked up ones. Everyone else is doing great, but us, right? And when you start to realize that we all question our own self worth, a lot of people, a lot of guys have questioned whether or not they even want to remain here, you know. And then to realize that a lot of our coping mechanisms are the same, whether it be alcohol, or gambling, or drugs or porn, sex, you know, whatever it is, it's like, oh, you start to realize, just like, I realized that my very first Tony Robbins event that like, a lot of us are actually kind of robotic, in terms of how we are coping, you know, and the solutions aren't all that difficult. It just takes it's just not, it's, they might be simple to understand. But they're not easy, right? It's just very challenging to face your fears, over and over and over again, when you feel like kind of, you're getting like an emotional kick in the gut. Right. So I forget what your first question was, because I answered the last question first, what was the other question? Well, I'd be curious to know if you could speak more into those solutions. So we've gotten like, community is huge. realizing you're not alone, just putting yourself out there. There's some some work around fears, kind of uncovering these wounds dealing with these addictions and, and whether it be alcoholism, or gambling, or even just workaholism, whatever it might be, what are the steps you're taking people through when they come in with these challenges? For sure, I kind of outlined it in my book that's coming out soon, which to me, it's like, it's all about becoming kings of our own kingdom, right? To where we can do what we want to do when we want to do it with whom we want to do it. But it's, to me, it's the experience of abundance, on all levels, right. And it's not about asserting your power over anyone, because that's, that's, I think, more toxic masculinity if you if you want to use that overused term, but it's really about you having asserting your own personal power over the various The only thing that you have power over which is your your thought, right, your consciousness, and from there being able to create and manifest something that really has a powerful impact positive impact on the world, you know, or if not the world, just on yourself and your loved ones. You know, that's, that's a power enough impact on the world, as it ripples out. So the Three Kingdoms that I have really have guys focus on is the very first kingdom is the inner kingdom, right? Your physical health, your mental health, your emotional health, it's like if you if you can't handle your own shit up here, which results in how your body you know, shows up and your kind of your habits. Well, then, of course, you can't even look at the other two kingdoms, right? So the very first kingdom is your inner kingdom, the second kingdom is your kind of your outer kingdom, which would be more of like what you're looking to offer the world in some sense, we should be like, what's what type of kingdom? Are you building? You know, what's your offering, and you're giving, because that's Yes, community is important. Like you said before, I also noticed the big part of shifting, anytime that I'm in a funk is getting out of my own way and starting to give rather than looking at like, what am I not getting in life, you know? So that outer kingdom is really more focused on like, What's your purpose in life? What's your mission? What are you really giving to and building that, with or without anyone else in your life, this is still something that drives you. And it's extremely important, you know, and then that very third kingdom is your eternal kingdom, which to me is kind of where all the juices, and that's your relationships, that's your relationship with other people, that's your relationship with your Creator. If you believe in, in your Creator, it's like, that's, that's the real fulfillment part. Because you could have your physical health and be, you know, mentally astute, then you could have your business and career and that's amazing too. But if you have no one to share it with the LA Times, it kind of feels like it's been a life that haven't, hasn't been truly lived. So kind of those three kingdoms overlap each other. And where they all overlap in the middle is where I find congruence as as as a man, you know, and that's where you feel like you're, you, you're a king, and you have abundance, you know, with your physical health, your mental health, your financial health, your relational health, you're just, you're cruising on all on all cylinders, if that makes sense. Otherwise, if they don't all work, then you're gonna have a house divided amongst itself. And that's where we feel like we're at war within our own heads. And that's, that can be extremely, you know, detrimental to the long term fulfillment of any guy's life. So I don't know if that answers a question, but I think that's kind of what I'd be focusing on with guys when we start talking about finding that success and fulfillment in life. Yeah, I love how you bring it back to the the idea that it starts within them, they got to master their their self, their mind, their body, their emotions, all these things. But then it goes out into this idea of of legacy. I mean, what's a kingdom without leaving a legacy, whether it's you know, for your, for your kids or your you know, your loved ones or your creator, it's, there's something bigger happening here. And so I love how you're taking it from here, but bringing out to something more expansive and longer lasting. What are the the idea of purpose? Let's say like that the second stage? I feel like I'm getting a lot of questions recently about, you know, how do I find my purpose? Like, what's the path? you would you would take someone on to find their purpose, or why they're here or however else you want to describe that. It's funny, I had, I've thought of this a lot myself and asked that same question. I've had that same question asked back of me a lot of times, and for years, I was kind of like, No, you got to find what you're good at. And I had one of my previous coaches, who's an incredible guy, he was also Rob Scott, he was on my podcast. And that episode is truly powerful. He also was a guest speaker at one of my most recent meeting of men. And of last year, he was like, so many people say, I'm looking to find my passion, he's like, you don't find you don't just stumble across it, you know, like, You're, you're out scavenging for four things, you choose it, you know, you select it. And if it's if it's, you have to actively select what your passion is. And if you select it, and it needs some some tweaking to pivot, then you pivot, but a lot of people are sitting back waiting for it to come to them. And he suggests that you go and you just, you select, you have to look at what the things that you're you that really bring you joy, and you go for it. For me, I have come to the realization I was always thinking of like, my passion as like a vocation like, is it coaching? Is it this like, man, I think, I truly believe all of our passions are probably a lot more similar. When it comes down to it. I have come to the realization the clarity over time that like, it almost doesn't matter what I do, or what I sell, if my if my way of being is coming from a place of love, and people get to feel in my presence that they are loved unconditionally, which is what I attempt to do with anyone and everyone, sometimes better than not, right? A lot of times I feel like the hardest person to love is myself. Without a doubt, that's the biggest challenge I think for a lot of us. But if you can truly come from that place of my purpose on earth here is to, to love and to be love. Like, no matter what you're doing, I feel like that's actually a simpler way of finding your purpose. Because you're going to find joy and fulfillment in no matter what you're doing, whether you're a garbage collector, or you're the CEO of you know, Amazon, whatever, right? I think just finding that sense of not so much what is my purpose as in what I need to do each day. But like, what's my way of being my way being each day is to give love and to receive love, you know, be kind of a conduit for that. I think that's a more powerful purpose, if you will, but people want to know exactly what should I be doing should I do this job should do that job. And I feel like sometimes with love if you just trust it, and you go into anything, you could find success and fulfillment if you are coming from a place of not looking to get but looking to really give that love away. Powerful, like find love, be love and share it it doesn't matter what it is just show up and offer your gifts to to the world to your community, to your family to your people. 100% Johnny, you talked a bit about the challenges related to Coronavirus. He talks just there about how it can be hard to love yourself. Speak into this what is what is going on inside of you that maybe other people don't see like what is the challenge with with loving yourself? Oh, man. Yeah, that's a that's a big can of what bass I can open up on myself. I think. Again, like I said, the challenge for me has been self love. I mean, you've talked about it when when I interviewed you on my podcast, it's like the, the suicidal thoughts, the suicidal ideation, that a lot of people, you know, work through all the challenges and the woundings that you have the it seems like the older we get. It's the harder it is because then it's like, oh, I'm too young and then all sudden, you hit a point where now I'm too old and my my time has passed, man it's just like the the for me, and I talked about it just on some of my most recent solo podcast too is like while I was hiking with a buddy earlier this week even in talks about like his Supreme Court Justice in his head is this like big dude that swings the gavel, you know, and like kind of rules. It's like, you're guilty, you're guilty. But but a lot of times it's it's that judge who's judging other people or judging ourselves constantly, you know, and that's like the biggest that for me and I and I resonate with that. That's like the biggest thing that I have to quiet that guy's you know, influence in his world. Cuz during COVID, for me, and I've seen kind of seasons of going through this and the coach that I'm working with right now, it's finally brought it to my attention away that finally clicked, which is, again, more or less being able to find healthy outlets to express emotion. You know, and I think of myself as an emotionally intelligent man, right. And yet, I'll give you a for instance, I was in a, kind of a personal development course. And I was the last person to go through this process, right, so I had the whole group standing in front of me. And I was standing behind this line that tape on the on the carpet, and there's supposed to be more or less symbolic of kind of stepping over the threshold and leaving old, the old you behind and stepping into the new version of you. And so, one of these coaches who was he more or less gets up in my face. And he's like, you know? Well, he asked, he asked the whole team, like, how many of you actually feel like, you know, intimate things about Johnny, then they all raised their hand. And in my mind, I was kinda like, Well, yeah, cuz I'm, I'm an open guy, I don't have anything. I'm humble. And I'm open to sharing. And then he asked the next question, how many of you feel you have an intimate relationship? Or connection with Johnny? And there was like, one hand, I was like, Oh, shit. He's like, you see what I'm saying? Johnny? Like, you, you are very open and honest, just like I am on the podcast, even if I'm like, how many times do people actually get to feel you, you know, not very often at all. And I was like, Oh, shit. So that was me, realizing that I still am very guarded. With my heart, like very, very few people actually get to see, you know, tears from me, or, you know, like my big heart, they'll feel it, but they still calculate it still at arm's length. Right. And so a big part of that, for me is realizing that even the anger, I just, I just work to keep my "shit together", but in that, trying to, you know, I guess it's just scary to let go of your, to put down your guard. And really let that out. That through time of suppressing a lot of stuff, like I mentioned, at the very beginning of this podcast, that that can be very exhausting. And the energy that has taken for me to suppress my disappointment, essentially, my sadness, my loneliness, my frustration, like it shows up in frustration and anger throughout the day. But really below, I'm angry, because I'm sad, I'm disappointed that my life doesn't look the way that I thought it would be, you know, like, I haven't ever fully processed, or not enough yet. But I'm still frustrated or disappointed that dad wasn't there when I was younger, that mom's gone, you know, that I had, that I don't have a wife and family yet, you know, like all these things that I thought I would have at the time that I am right now, which is still kind of just a lot of self judgment. But up comes a lot of anger and frustration and energy, and I push it back down. And through that, though, I get exhausted, I get easily overwhelmed. I ultimately want to it's like, I either want to know that I'm successful, or I'll just shut down completely not even try. Right. It's just a lot of apathy. So that was what I've been feeling a lot through COVID actually, because I had really had some momentum going in my business and we're doing retreats and then boom COVID of course. And then I found myself not getting the connection again, not hanging out with guys. I was lonely. I felt alone I was disappointed again, just more disappointment. You know, when I just thought I think things were going well. And I in the more I've been starting to share that on social media. And rather than and start start to really open up intimately vulnerable and be like, Okay, this is this is not only how I feel, but like, this is me. And being willing to share two years of good emotional, my podcast and whatnot. It's like, more and more guys and women for that matter. But guys are coming out of the woodwork saying like, Dude, that totally resonates with me. I never really connected the apathy with repressed anger, because I don't think of myself as an angry or violent person. But like more and more guys are realizing, oh, man, they're, they're angry, they're frustrated, they're lonely. And we don't really feel like we have a safe space to share that you mean. And so being able to be with other men in a sacred space, or let's say, yeah, just kind of like a controlled space is really powerful. Because if you were to actually let out that anger or that rage, I think around women and children, they would lose trust for us men, because it's very scary. It's very intimidating, right? So you probably get some of that too, especially because I think plant men medicines to kind of unlock that you are still on the news telling me like Ayahuasca more opens up your shadow where mushrooms are opened up your, your Wounded Child I have not that I've done Ayahuasca or anything greater than mushrooms. But I definitely found when I've done some mushrooms here and there a little bit like man that sadness, the tears, the loneliness, just, I can't even control it. And it's so scary to go through it. But once I'm through it, man, I feel so much lighter, I feel so much better. So that's a scary thing. And so I would say to some guys who feel like they can't even tap into it. Because intellectually, I'm so much in my head and I've journaled trying to get my emotions out, I can't get that I'm still in my head, so much some of these plant based medicines of what you're doing taking guys to Columbia. And like, I think some of that stuff is so powerful not to toot your horn. But, you know, I think it's so powerful to, because it'll open up avenues to healing that you may not be able to access under your own "controlled persona", if that makes sense. 100% Yeah, it's, well, one thing that comes up for me, I just heard this quote recently, and it's like, The Longest Journey you'll ever take is from your head to your heart. It's like finding that connection to yeah, sure, you're sharing but you're not really landing, you're not connecting. As it relates to these emotions. I once heard somebody talked about actually in the men's group, I was on man talks. I was in this this group, sort about last year. And Connor being the man talks guy, he was talking about how anger, a lot of times men, we present with anger, that's like the surface level emotion. Below that is sadness. And below that is lack of self worth. And below that is shame, shame, or guilt. And like that the core of these things were being fueled by, by this, these negative emotions, you know, that we are often programmed to feel in childhood. And that is stuff down, it's challenging, and then that comes out as, as anger on the surface. Completely. What I would say to I'm going to do feel like, shame, as you know, as Bren Brown defines it, you know, it's like, guilt is that we've done something that we're not proud of, you know, we're shame is that we are someone that we're not proud of, you know, that there's something inherently wrong with us, which, like you said, kind of goes to the root of, of the issue, which is that we don't feel like we're good enough. And Tony Robbins taught me that, like, at the end of the day, we all have the same two fears that we fear that we're not good enough and because we're not good enough, that we're then not worthy of love, that's our even deeper fear. And if you're not worthy of love, which is why I say the root that the solution to all this, and the greatest purpose could probably be to come from love and to give everyone love, no matter who they are. But if you don't feel like you're worthy of love, or self love, well, then what's the point of even being here, which is what I think drives almost all successful or non successful suicide attempts, which is like, this would be so much actually easier if I weren't here anymore, you know, which is usually almost, I wouldn't say almost, it's always a lie. There's always people like, no, this is not the solution. You know, you are loved and you are worthy. And you gotta stay in the fight. You know, I mean, Beautiful man is powerful. Especially I heard another quote the other day was referring to the idea of not doing what you love is like committing spiritual suicide, you know, and spiritual suicide could even lead to this idea of you just suppressed or you've been ashamed of who you are for so long. You get so wrapped up in your own head. And that's where actual suicide comes from this feeling like you have nothing left to give no love is being received. And you're completely shut down. I mean, how much of this is in your circles? Johnny is coming out with Coronavirus and the shutdowns and all the challenges that are coming with this, this new world we're moving into. I mean, I think a lot of it is just because as it was for me, it was just so easy to distract myself from those emotions. Like I'd be driving somewhere and I get super pissed on the drive. And and but then I get there and then I jump right into a meeting you know, and then I get excited about stuff and then I just kind of forget why or even to question why I got so angry for no apparent reason while I'm driving. You know, it's irrational the times that I'm or the things I'm getting angry at when I'm behind the wheel. I never do anything about it and never even flip anyone off but in my mind or in my life this is a horrible place energetically to spend time multiple times throughout the day right? But then I get in the car again to leave that coffee to go somewhere else and not get pissed off again. It's like but with COVID there wasn't any coffee out meetings there were no dentist or haircut appointments. So for months there I was. It was it was beautiful. It's kind of quiet as the stillness which I loved and then though over time for like the last six months it crept back up for me personally which also found another guy's tos is similar that okay without the distractions now, like the holiday has worn off, the vacation has worn off. And now it's like, oh crap, like finding yourself being addicted again to social media or all the other various things to keep distracting ourselves with finding ways to cope, rather than really looking at the major issues which, like you said kind of results to comes back to the shame, the disappointment, the whatever, yeah, right, whatever is below the surface of the anger or the apathy. So it's either like a positive, or I should say, not a positive, it's either very an aggressive, or very low energy feeling. And we tend to vacillate between those two of just going from call to crazy eight, you're either really pissed and frustrated, or once you get annoyed and or exhausted from that, then it goes into depression, sadness. And it's like, how do I break myself out of this? Well, you have to find your way out of it, not through distraction, but by actually reaching out for help and doing something different than what you've been doing, which is getting some support from a coach or a therapist, or, you know, reading a book, or watching something on YouTube going to a, you know, a seminar, you know, doing some meditation, there's so many different ways, but until I feel like, for me, especially, that's why I always love having a coach, because I will always do for someone else more than I'll do for myself, you know, so I know someone's meeting me at the gym, I'm always gonna be there. If I tell myself, I'm going to go to the gym, and I wake up, I'm exhausted. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't, right. So that that kind of appointment with a coach and having that accountability, I feel like is it's powerful, it's hugely powerful. And people say, Well, I don't know if I can afford it like, man, I don't know how you can afford not to, because it's either time or money, you're either going to keep wasting a lot of your life away, you know, and have regrets or you're going to figure out ways to put on a credit card or sell some stuff like you got to get really creative to be able to afford it. But to me, it's always been worth it always, always always, in getting like support in that sense. So I always think of the idea that everyone needs a coach and a calling. You know, whether we're going through this stuff now with Coronavirus, sure. But like across the board, we have to have someone that reflects to us what we can't see in ourselves gets us over ourselves in our way. And we have to have that calling that like you talked before, something bigger than you to keep moving moving forward. And Johnny, you've taken all these things, all these challenges you went through. And although you're not all the way out, like you said, the journey continues, you're writing a book, you're still working as a coach, you're leading these retreats, you're making stuff happen. So I'd be curious to know if you could share us what's coming next for you. Tell us more about the book or anything else you'd like to share? Yeah, I mean, I think for me, it's it's not only getting the book out, which is to me, I started that in May, just because I get I had, I had the the clear runway, I was like shit, if there's ever a time to write a book, it'd be now Right. But truthfully, I didn't, I haven't worked on it. Up until probably a month or two ago, I didn't work on it for six months there, because I started getting into the shit. And I was so in my own way. Right? So shut down. I met you know, a gal that I'm in love with and an amazing, amazing woman we met in June. But even by like September, I started realizing like a lot of my heart was shut down. You know. So I think for, again, for a lot of people, it's you know, what's next is supporting guys through the various the very thing that I've been working through, you know. And for me, it's not only the book, it's the podcast, it's the men's meetings and the retreats. To me, I'm working on a, on a new program that's really kind of more of a, I guess, just an epic kind of masculine program, a program for men, that's going to help them really focus on how to essentially get out of their own way, you know, so it's really attacking that very first kingdom. Because again, you could be successful, you could even be married. But again, if you don't have your inner Kingdom dialed in, the other two are going to ultimately be deprived of the oxygen that they need, which is you and your love. And they're both gonna die, right? Just like it's just, it's like a three, a three legged stool. So the whole idea is ultimately supporting guys, and I've got like a pretty aggressive three month program that guys can get into them developing right now called the arena, where it's like, Okay, you've been sitting on the sidelines for a lot of your life, you're just not feeling like you're fully applying yourself. But you've got to step into the arena with a whole bunch of other guys. And that'll include, you know, coaching and video modules and group coaches, but then also some live retreats so they can actually get away and connect with these guys that they're bonding with online. So, all the above that's kind of what I'm working on at the moment. You're doing it all and it sounds like you're what you're working through or you're coaching people through what you're working through, at in real time, you know, I think it's powerful it speaks it holds you accountable, hold you to the highest standard, because there's people counting on you to show up and then people count on you to serve and, and give and be loved like you described before, I'd be curious to know where these guys can find you, anybody who's listening to this where they can find you learn more about this jump into the arena with with Johnny King, your podcast, anything else you'd like to share? Yeah, I appreciate that. And I do feel like what you touched on is like, so important, because whether it be health coaching, many, many years ago, when when women were like, I'd love to be able to help other women do this as well, like you are, but I don't want to do it yet until I'm at my goal weight, you know. And I will always say like, so you literally have a solution right here that, you know, works for you and could work for any other woman, you know, this is like the kind of the weight loss program that I was putting them on. I'm like, but you're going to actually withhold it. Even though she sits right there. And you know, she's in tears, and she's in pain, and she needs to lose 80 pounds, but you're gonna withhold it for three more months until you get to your goal weight. Until then you share it with her because, you know, and then authentic. I guess that makes sense. And so I say that as as like an analogy that like, a lot of times people think, Oh, I can't become a coach, I can't do this, I can't do that until I have my shit figured out, you know, until you get your ducks in a row. And, and what I often say to them is like, well, a mama duck doesn't get her ducks in a row by sitting still and telling them and getting real, she just moves forward and they fall in line. So you have to move forward. And for me, my coaching comes from a place of transparency and vulnerability and be like, Yeah, I don't have all my shit together, you know, but I certainly have my shit together a lot more than I did 10 years ago, you know. So if you find value in being able to connect with me, then cool, but there's so many coaches out there. So just find someone, right. But if you also think that you can't work with someone, because, you know, unless you only want to follow someone who looks like they have all their shit together, well, then you're actually kind of buying into facade. And there's, there's part of that is going to limit you because you're going to think that you can't do the shit that you want to do until you have your facade dialed in, you know. So let's do away with the masks and the facades and really get to like tangible, like, realness of humanity, which I think is important. More than that, you know, more now than ever. And if guys feel like any of that resonates with them, of course, they can check out the Johnny King show, podcast, they can just go to Johnnyking.com, they can connect to me on any of my socials, they can find out more about the arena, they can jump on the interest list, they can do all that stuff on my website. So that's what I would recommend. Thank you for sharing Johnny, I'm excited to see if anybody reaching out to you if you're a man on a mission to make the most of your time here on this earth that you need to jump into the arena with Johnny. Johnny, if you could just last question I always like to ask my guess is guess is what is the legacy you want to leave behind when you die? It's what I said earlier, which is just love. Man, I feel like I feel like I'm doing it. But I don't feel like I'm finished yet. So knock on wood. I don't want my time to come anytime soon. But if you look at Jesus or Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa Martin Luther King, like any of these, any of these people that have left lasting legacies that always built in love, you know, there's always love So, to me, I'm like shit, why recreate the wheel? I don't think there's any, there isn't anything more profound than that. It is at the basis of everything that we all want in life. And so that would be my legacy that I'd love to leave for so that other future generations are motivated to emulate just that. love conquers all, and it breaks down all all walls. And I think it's our greatest purpose. So yeah, beautiful Johnny live as love. The greatest purpose we have. Thank you so much for coming on to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, tune into Johnny's world he's got so much value so much to give so much love to share. If you're looking to the next level in life. Like I said, check him out. The Johnny King show look out for his book. Check out JohnnyKing.com and thanks for coming to the action hour. We'll see you in the next episode.